I accidentally tuned in to Katie Hopkins on LBC just now. I realised my mistake quickly and within 30 seconds she was gone from my life. Yet, in that brief moment, I did manage to catch one of her far-right lies. Yes, despite what Trump might argue, #FalseNews is not just the domain of the leftards, as they are becoming known in a theological battle that involves lots of put-downs and nothing in the way of rational thinking.

Talking about migrants (again) Kate Hopkins, in a throw away line, said, “not to mention the millions of other illegal migrants we don’t know about.” Millions. In Britain. Really? Shall we have a guess and say it’s something like five million. Seven percent of the population are evading authorities and living here illegally. Yet, even though the authorities are oblivious, Katie Hopkins knows they exist and are here in their millions. Such insight. Hardly worth collecting official data when we can just ask Katie. That, in itself, could save us millions which can be added to the windfall the NHS received from Brexit.

With millions of illegal migrants, no wonder we keep tripping over them. Take a look out the back window. You’ll probably see one or two of them disappearing behind the hedge at the end of the garden. I found a family of four sleeping under my car this morning. And there’s a lot of banging in the attic that, I’m fairly sure, is a family from Poland. No wonder the car is looking so clean.

Less than a year in on my return to the UK and I am already worried. The once great white nation I left, where jam butties were a delicacy, Jimmy Saville was family entertainment and Benny Hill was the pinnacle of cutting edge comedy, has been replaced by some sort of cosmopolitan society filled with foreign types.

Pret a Manger. What’s that supposed to mean? And they sell Jambon-Beurre. These foreigners have come here, closed down our Wimpy bars and are force feeding us foreign muck.

Fortunately, there are people like Hopkins to save us, not just from those within the EU, but the “cockroaches” (her word) who make it across the Mediterranean from the Middle East and Africa. 

There’s a large force at work to return us to the halcyon days of stodgy food and politically incorrect humour that is bound to appear funny again, if we all just lower our expectations. It’s not just Hopkins, of course. Nigel Farage has played a much bigger role in convincing the poor and disenfranchised that the reason they are down on their luck is not because the top paid echelons of society are pushing up house prices whilst their own wages stagnate, it’s because Johnny foreigner is coming in and stealing their jobs, claiming welfare and pushing up queue lengths at the NHS. 

Yes, it’s taken one of the private school educated City elites to speak up for the little people; a salesman who saw the opportunity to make Britain great again. Either that or he just saw the chance to propel himself onto the world stage as a way of satisfying his own ego – evidenced by his determination to ingratiate himself with the Trumpfkoff. 

As a self-professed salesman Farage doesn’t have to worry about delivering any solution – just selling the concept. No wonder then that, once the vote was won, he quickly hopped on a plane and jetted off to America. Otherwise he’d get his hands messy with the slightly more challenging task of finishing what he started. 

Yes, we’re taking the country back, apparently. Back to the fifties. And we’re giving Australia a run for its money when it comes to white, right xenophobia. Katie Hopkins might not be as dumb as Pauline Hanson, but she shares the same ability to think things through. #Not.