The Pulp

Thousands of migrants arrive through uterus

Latest figures show how hundreds of thousands of people are arriving in Australia through the birth canal.

Their arrivals have been criticised by many, saying they claim the right to live here but don't have the paperwork to support their case. None can speak English or even have proper toilet training. Many of them are ugly and coated in slime.

Tony Abbott has been told his policy of turning them back is gynaecologically impossible and instead has called on the navy to patrol the broken waters more vigilantly. The army will also take charge of hospital maternity wings in a newly announced “Operation Cervix Borders”.

Mr Rudd has spoken to Papua New Guinea about establishing a processing facility for the new arrivals, but PNG’s Prime Minister Peter O’Neill said, “we’re dealing with enough of your shit as it is”.

Columnist Andrew Bolt has criticised the new arrivals as good for nothing dole bludgers. Statistics have shown that many are still not working eleven years after arriving in the country. He says even though we have generously offered them temporary protection, all they do is whinge and soil their clothes.

A temporary move to ship the women traffickers offshore and subject them to the 'no advantage test', whereby these arrivals are refused entry for more than a year, has proven unsuccessful.  

The government is to try and cut the problem off at source, although such a move is likely to be extremely unpopular with younger male voters who want to keep their penises.

Tony Abbott said this afternoon this was another crisis foisted on us by Labor.

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Last modified on Tuesday, 27 August 2013 02:21

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